the thirteenth day has arrived and for a new daddy, this seems to be an experience of a lifetime... i remembered what my mom said to me when she was still around, the moment you have your own child, then you will know what life is all about... i am beginning to appreciate life as my little elf grows day by day... getting home after work is a joy now, anxiously waiting to see my lil' elfs' smile and hearing her gurgles while my wife and mom-in-law relate the days' event on how naughty or rascal she was, is so warm....

learning lots and lots of new things in bringing up your own child is another chapter in life... a couple of days ago, she was brought to the clinic to check for suspected jaundice, while at the clinic, the doctors ran some test and confirm she has jaundice... jaundice...? how...? why...? these are some of the questions that was running thru my mind... i never expected my own child to be diagnosed with such condition until many friends and relatives assured me that most babies nowadays, almost 9 out of 10, has jaundice.... so she was referred to the hospital for futher observation... the moment we arrived at the hospital, the nurses took blood samples from my baby, and we were not suppose to see what they were doing... hearing her cries thru the curtains really breaks my heart....

one hour passed and the results were out, she was immediately admitted to the jaundice ward for phototherapy... she was placed in a crib with the flourescent lights beaming almost for 18 hours... while my wife was at her side all the time, both her and me was worried... the next morning when the doctors took her blood samples and confirmed that the bilirubin level has dropped, my wife called me from the hospital informing me about the news while she was crying in joy... hearing my wife cry led me to one conclusion.... the mother and daughter bond has been created... and a deep one too...

it's tiring taking care of a baby who only knows one language... cry... but the joy of hearing her cry is tremendous... while people tell me too much crying means she might be sick, little or no crying also may spell trouble... but her cries are mainly for FOOD... and after feeding seeing her smile in contention is such a happy sight...

i never actually thought that i will be changing diapers... but it seems to be so much fun doing it... getting her cleaned up is like a mission... she will struggle and kick while the diapers are being changed... so it takes practice to master the art of changing diapers... so it looks like daddy's doing mommy's job huh....? it's not the case, daddy's just doing daddy's role... nowadays, daddies play a more active role in upbringing... i would really want to experience the joy and fun in experiencing these events as the moment when they grow up, these little "chores" will be slowly diminished... as the baby learns to live more independently... but i would like to relate to my kids when they grow old and also me, how rascal or naughty they were when they were young....

and also not forgetting my dearest mom-in-law who is sacrificing her time and sleep to take care of both her daughter and grand daughter is so much more than words can express... seeing her tirelessly attending to the needs of both is also a show of bonding and love between mother, daughter and grand daughter... these are the kinds of things in life in which one will never experience... if not for the arrival of a newborn...

daddy's precious is what both my wife and mom-in-law says... when daddy comes home and "go moi" his daughter and the way the baby smiles, squirms while daddy kisses her endlessly is a sight that my wife says "i will become a good father..."

It has been a pretty tough 3 months since the last posting... my employer decided to close its business, I was out of a job at the end of Jan, lil' elf's on the way end of March, expenses soared... no income for the month of Feb, and my first Chinese New Year as a married man, means ang pows (red packets) to be given during the festivities... the equals money spent...

Fortunately I got a business partner to finance my business... and has started the business since 1st March 2007... as usual, new business equals to teething problems... while I was busy preparing the new business, I was not about to neglect the arrival of my newborn... struggling between operating a new business, being a sensitive husband and a dad-to-be, is a real mission... but then again, life's about challenges... one will never know the limits of a person until it is stretched maximum...

Minutes felt like hours during these times, but the countdown timer towards the lil' elf's arrival is ticking...

And finally after waiting for 9 months, Xandria Chan was born on the 30th March 2007... the series of events leading to the big day is exciting, nervous, nerve wrecking, anxious, worried, afraid...

During our final two visits to the gynae, my wife was advised to undergo ELSC (Elective Lower Section Ceasarian) due to her short stature, in which the gynae was worried the the cervix may not be able to dilate to the maximum allowing natural birth... also during the CNY period, she fell down and sprained her knee, thus limiting her mobility to natural birth...

On the 29th of March, we went to Putrajaya Hospital, a new government hospital, in which is supposedly to have excellent natal services, admitting my wife for preparation for the C-sect... feelings were mixed, both my wife and me were expecting lots and lots of things... my mother-in-law arrived from Singapore the day before her admission to look after her daughter and her grandchild after the birth and also to help in confinement...

As we were waiting in the hospital, we were looking at other mothers and mothers-to-be, wondering how they felt before and after the birth of their babies... I reassured my wife that everything'll fine... The operation was schedule on the 30th March @ 9am... We arrived at the hospital @ 8am to prep my wife for the operation.... as they were dressing her in the operation gown, I reassured her again that she'll be alright, knowing that she'll be under GA and she'll be in the watchful care of a senior gynae Dr Ng Kok Ying... final countdown, as we accompanied her on the operation bed as she was wheeled into the operations theatre, i was worried and at the same time reassuring her that we'll see her in and hour or two....

There she went into the operations theatre, the nurse told my mum-in-law and me to wait at the waiting lounge... minutes ticked, ticked, ticked, ticked... i was walking in circles, up and down the room, while the second hand on the watch ticked, ticked and ticked... an hour had passed as it was already 10... and i was getting anxious, i reassured myself that everything'll be fine too... as i laid myself to sit on the lounge chair, reading newspaper to calm myself down, i heard a fainted baby's cry from across the room... and i jolted out of my seat... is that my baby that's crying...? i waited in anticipation, the door opened and the nurse called out my wife's name... i sprang into the room with my mum-in-law... and there she was, the little elf... all bundled up... still not fully cleaned yet... i asked the nurse is it a boy or girl... the nurse asked me to look at the baby myself... she unwrapped lil' elf and there SHE was... a princess... i was asked by the nurse whether i wanted to carry her and i replied can i...? so as the nurse handed Xandria to me, i was excited yet afraid to carry such a fragile thing... as she was laid on my arms, my heart melted... she was crying out loud, as my mum-in-law said "volumenous"... it's amazing that the small little lungs of hers can really punch out such energy...

It's been 3 months since the last posting and much have passed, our wedding dinner, many more gynae visits, our little honeymoon to cameron highlands, and more baby kicks and sudden cramps, unexpected sleepiness spells... the baby is now as at 25th December 2006, 6 months old (24 weeks), and she's getting "rascalish"... needs daddy to talk or sing to her before mommy retires at night, and when she kicks, rolls or stretches, mommy needs daddy's hand on the tummy to pacify her... so my wife was telling me.. "daddy friendly..."

i did feel her kick many times and it a wonderful feeling that a little life inside my wife's tummy is taking place and the joy and anticipation of becoming a daddy is pretty exciting... perhaps the daddy clock is ticking and it's time for a new chapter in life...

in fact at any one time if possible i would like to feel her kicking, the other day when we were at the gynae, the doc asks us on whether we wanted to know the gender or not, and we said well, why not.... and guess what... during the ultrasound scan, she showed her backside... walaueh... mischievious.... dun get me wrong when i mentioned "she" as i would like to refer the little elf to being a "she" until proven otherwise... so we re still unsure of the gender yet... kinda fun to guess also...

but planning a baby takes a toll... babysitter, confinement, venue of delivery.. even upbringing, training, habits building, feeding, disclipining and the whole works... and the above things makes me wonder, that i am amazed and marvelled and really appreciate and respect my parents for the upbringing and sacrifices they have given me the way they did 30 over years ago...

and kids nowadays have so much more than what we used to have then... i believe that if my parents can do it, i'm sure we can do it too...

After much anticipation on the day of 16th September 2006, it came and went just like that and with four persons, signing on the dotted lines on the marriage certificate, had just pronounced my other half and myself as husband and wife...

It was a memorable day as we have been planning for this occasion since a month ago and we were worried about so many things, fortunately it passed with no complications and in fact has brought two souls together and made two families bigger.... with myself getting an additional mommy, and my wife getting another daddy... ironically, both my wife and me had lost one of our parent, me losing my mom, and my wife losing her dad... so this came as a blessing....

I was proud and touched that I am able to "get" a mommy from this auspicious occassion, and likewise my wife....

And also the presence of my long lost cousin, Grace, whom i've not met for about 7-8 years has in fact made this day more memorable... together with my wife's brother, sister-in-law, and the two apple of their eyes, Alex and Darren (aka rascalians), coupled with my wife's good friends and family members, and not forgetting Erik, my more articulate cousin bro, has in fact made the day an eventful one....

Watching both my dad and my mother-in-law's facial expression, I was very happy that both of them were there to grace the marriage and give us their blessings... I had wished that my mom was around to witness this occasion as she would have been the happiest mother in the whole world to see her son get married...

But no matter what, she was in my heart during the whole ceremony and i know that she's watching over us from wherever she is.... giving us her blessings... The same goes for my wife who had told me that she wished that her dad was still around to witness and to "give" her daughter away.... I told her the same thing, her dad is watching us from wherever he is, giving us his blessings too....

While the stork is sending the baby over, the nervousness began to sink in... like titanic sinking to the bottom of the ocean... from the moment we found out that my wife-to-be was pregnant, the anxiety and worried feeling of breaking the news to our parents was nerve wrecking.....

In this eastern parts of the world, the local tradition and culture plays a very important role in our daily lifes.... and when it comes to getting pregnant before marriage, it was deemed a sin and immoral during the times of our ancestors... I would believe most, in fact all parents would PREFER to have their children get married first then only pregnant, and here we went, rebelious some would say, to do it otherwise....

But i kept reassuring my wife-to-be that we will get married upon hearing the news, as a matter of fact, we had discussed and planned to get married somewhere next year, even before we got the news.... how ironic....

It was on a mon evening (14th August 2006) when we found out that my wife-to-be was pregnant, and we were discussing the ways to break the news to my father and her mom.... being on the guys side, i thought it was easy to break the news to my dad... hold that thought man.... it ain't easy... thus, i was intending to break the news on the coming sat when i go back to my hometown, face to face... somehow ironically, my dad called up on tues and said that he is coming to KL on wed for some business, and wanted to meet for dinner.... i said to myself, WOW great, can break the news to him earlier....

came the fateful wed night.... my dad, a friend of his, my wife-to-be and myself were having dinner and yup, i wanted to break the news to my dad.... and you know what, i was chasing butterflies in my stomach the entire time i wanted to open my mouth to speak... but then again, i told myself, sooner or later i would have to break the news to him, so i decide to be more subtle and started like, "Dad, elaine and i are planning to tie the knot...." and he replied, "what knot....?" i then said, aiyor, stop pulling my leg lar... then he asked when... and i told him somewhere in oct this year.... he practically loked at me and asked, that's fast... and before he was given any opportunity to continue to asked further, i interrupted by telling him... "yup, that's the first part of the "getting married" news, and supposedly if I were to tell you that you are going to be promoted to become a grandparent... what do you have to say to that...? he immediately stopped eating, looked shocked and stared straight into my eyes.... and he went, "no wonder the whole time during dinner, i noticed both elaine and you were behaving suspiciously and weird..." (both my wife and I were giggling and smiling during the entire dinner....) ultimately, he said that's good, double happiness.... GOSH... what a relief.... the relieve was so tremendous when i managed to catch all the butterflies flying around in my stomach.... we continued to eat dinner and talked about the pregnancy and the marriage arrangements... but actually prior to the above happenings, I have spoken to my sis in US and informed her about her going to be an aunt... she was estatic.... and she told me not to worry, in any case, she will help me out with my dad....that's my sis...

then after that, I told my wife, one down, one to go.... the harder of the two hills to climb was to break the news to her mom.... my wife was practically suffering from sleepless in KL (if you know what i mean) and loss of appetite prior to breaking the news to her mom, then came the fateful thurs night when we decided to call singapore in which her mom was staying with her son... my future brother in-law... but prior to that, on thurs morning, i advised my wife to informed both her brother and sis-in-law first, because i believed that the younger generation would be able to cope with the news better and would be able to cope with whatever circumstances arising from her mom receiving the news.... In fact when my wife told her brother and sis-in-law in the morning, they were both laughing uncontrollably... how weird...

so we called, and my wife informed her mom using the same script i told my dad... her mom was silent upon hearing the news, and my wife then asked her mom to call back from singapore as the rates from there back to malaysia was cheaper.... okie, we practically waited 15 minutes... and yes,it was an agonising 15 minutes before the phone rang.... and even though shocked and surprised, we were very relieved that after all the anxiety, her mom gave us her blessings to go ahead with the marriage...

In life, once in a while there are surprises that will shake you off the rocking chair, while some surprises puts one in a fix, others may come in the form of "pleasantness"... As for me, it came as a pleasant surprise when my wife-to-be passed me a strip of pregnancy test after a normal visit to the clinic and asked me to decipher... I went, "So what does this strip tell...?

I really haven't had any pregnancy experiences before, and definitely dun know how to read the stripes on the strip...." Well, my wife then told me, one stripe means negative...... I looked again, and there were two stripes... I went " You sure or not....?" and we were looking at each other in disbelief... after some thorough discussion, we went to a pharmacy and got a home pregnancy test kit.... went home and tested it.... after five minutes, the were two stripes... WOW... I'm gonna be a daddy....

The excitement was unbelieveable because about 3 months of months ago, while my wife was admitted to a private hospital, she was "diagnosed" with possible endometriosis, while the doctor explained that the chances of conceiving a baby is very minimal, and may cause infertility...

Thus, this surprise came as a blessing in disguise...

Now, after two weeks later, we have gone to see the gynae for the second time, as was amazed that a life form is developing in my wife's body....

The first visit to the gynae, the doctor advised to do a ultrasound scan, the image was so vague, all that we can see was a round little white sac, with a black inner core, that's about it....

On Mon (4th September 2006) after two weeks since the last visit to the gynae, the doctor did a follow-up check and a subsequent ultrasound scan was performed, while in the scan room, we were so amazed at the massive development of the fetus, from the above round little sac to a view of a formation of actual baby.... It was only a two weeks time frame and 8 weeks old, I was amazed at the stages of development of a new life being....

The below ultrasound scan picture was done on the 4th September 2006, at 8 weeks old: